Saturday, December 13, 2003
I'm so fed...angry...so bottled up...dunno how do i xpress all this..if i do like as if he cares..so so so angry...how i wish Tion's rite here now...consolin me...givin me advise on wat to do..but he aint here...no more..not now..not today..not tomorrow...not ever...waiting fer Siti to come over fer raya..yeah its late..but i dun mind..went Kak Wirdi house jus now..had laksa n some other great food..but she fergot our ice-cream cake...how i wish this thing can jus disappear from my mind..but i doubt dat will happen...i know i'll brood over it fer more days to come...y..y must this happen..yet again!!..it happened once..last time it happened in July few yrs back..dat halted my engaement n now its happening again in June..watdefuck??halt my weddin now??i hate d way he handles stuffs...not firm..to soft..always being bullied...u suck @ this u do..u suck big time...bcoz of ur suckiness...i'm fed..i'm angry...langakh bendul twice..n nothin happens...bcoz u get bullied i get bullied too even tho its indirectly..all of a sudden jus now i feel like flyin to somewhere jus to get a piece of mind...December is a sucky mth..fer me...a real sucky mth...i'm so angry..i was so angry @ him dat i said somethin to Mama...she mengucap panjang..jus jus now in d afternoon she advise me on takin things cooly n that i should not b too hard headed @ times..but its jus me!! i mean i cant b soft n let myself being bullied all d time..its jus so not me to b soft..n not retaliate @ wat ppl shot @ me..n afew things dat happen recently made me even more wary of ppl nowadays..m i jus being mean??or selfish??yeah she nice to me..infront only..behind??only GOD knows..they never take me seriously.. he thinks everythin is so simple...its not my dear its not!!i hate @ d thought dat i have to reshuffle my plans..plans to get married plans to buy house..n other plans...i hate it!! it always happens..always!!how i wish i can call u n jus tell u how i feel...i cant...u had always trained me this way...dats y i m behavin this way...i cant swallow d fact dat this happens n i HAVE TO ACCEPT this plan...i cant...i jus cant ok!!fuck..i hate u..ariessen @ 10:42 PM
//married to Sen//luvs Mama Nana Dada n Papa//sits on TJ n Shad//life revolves ard family//dependent on mum n i dun care wat other ppl would said//iMan n ayubee// prefers flats n pumps//njoyin life wif my love ones now//
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